It’s getting cold, the air begins to "smell" like winter. Isn’t it great? I like the crisp cold air because it sets the mood for Christmas! Time goes by so fast... Summer was just barely gone and now it’s already November. This month, the Church celebrates All Saints Day on the 1^st and All Souls Day on the 2^nd. So in honor of All Souls Day, I like to talk about... "death". I know, I know, it’s not a very pleasant subject to talk about because it’s something that many people are afraid of. However, chances are most of us have had some kind of experience involving a death of a loved one, a relative, a friend or someone we know (I read this in an ad for funeral homes!). So please be patient and journey with me as we look into some aspects of death. Hopefully, by the end of this journey, we’ll discover some good things may result from it.

My friends, I like to ask you to close your eyes for a minute and think of someone dear to you who had died. If there’s no one close to you who died, then think of someone you know who passed away. What kind of feeling or emotion comes up as you think of this person? Perhaps sadness, regrets, love, guilt, peace, resentment or just simply missing him/her. These feelings that surface tell a lot about our relationship with the departed. Have you experienced guilt and regret when your loved one dies? Did you feel guilty for not trying harder to be nicer to that person while he/she was alive? Many people felt guilt and regrets. For sure I’m one of those people.

Two years ago, when my mother-in-law passed away, I felt sad and at the same time guilty and regretful. I felt bad for not doing more and not trying harder to make her more happy while she was alive. She had a peaceful death but she passed away unexpectedly, so there was no chance for any of her children to say goodbye to her. None of us had a chance to tell her we love her nor to apologize for any past misdeeds. As for me, I remember very clearly the day after she died. It was a gray and rainy day. I sat staring out the window with tremendous sadness in my heart. I felt like I had just been jolted by this horrible reality - that I’ll never be able to see her on the face of this earth again! She’s gone forever from our life!

There were so many things I wished I’d done differently, so many words I should have said to her but didn’t... I could have taken her to more places, visited her more often, been more patient with her, ...loved her more... Tears of sorrow came pouring down. I must have cried for hours but after all the tears were shed, I had a heart-to-heart talk with God and with my mother-in-law. I talked about my regrets, my anguish, and even my past unsuccessful attempts at being a good daughter-in-law for her while she was still alive. After spilling out my heart to God and to my mother-in-law, I just sat there in silent and let my soul rested in God’s presence. Gently but firmly, God’s love and peace began to sooth away my aching heart. I really felt comforted and my spirit lifted. The guilt and regrets that once weighed heavily on my soul began to disappear giving way to a sense of hope and consolation. I began to realize that my mother-in-law’s death is not the end of the story - it doesn’t end here. I also realized that all my sorrow and guilt are not parts of the ending either. I felt in my heart that I still have a chance to "make things right"... to express my love for her... yes, even in her death! It was then that I understood that the best way to love her now is to pray for her and to be a more loving person for others around me. These are the most loving things I can do for her at this stage of her journey. In a sense, I felt like I still have a chance to "make it up" to her. For all the things that I should have done but didn’t do while she was alive, I will do them now for the people around me. A caring word for my daughter when she’s down; an unexpected kiss on my parents’ cheek; or even a listening ear for my distraught neighbor - these are loving acts that I can do for those who are still alive and are a part of my life. You might think "Well, it sounds nice, and those people will benefit from it but what will that do for my dead mother-in-law"? I strongly believe that if I do these acts of love and offer them up to pray for her soul, God will be very pleased. In His infinite Love and Mercy, He’ll protect her and give her eternal happiness. I must admit, once I came to that realization, I was very much at peace. I was still sad because I’ll miss her very much but I really felt at peace, with myself, with her and with God. Most importantly, I felt as though I’ve made peace with her. This experience with her death had deepen my understanding of why we pray for the dead. It’s an act of love, it’s how we continue to show our love for those who died and it’s a way for us to become more loving individuals as well.

Through the death of my mother-in-law, God reminded me to cherish the relationships I have now with my families and friends. Dear friends, in a few weeks, we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving Day (November 23^rd). This is a good opportunity for us to tell and to show our loved ones how thankful we are for having them in our life. Won’t you join me in making a conscious effort to show love and gratitude to all the people whom God had graced our life with? First and foremost, let’s not forget to thank God who’s the source of Love and through whom all things exist! Have a pleasant and meaningful Thanksgiving celebration with your loved ones and please say a prayer for all the souls in purgatory too!

Peace & love in Christ,

Home | Nguyet San | Bao Moi | Bao Cu | Mua Bao
E-mail : ducme@cuuthe.com